Military jokes

Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?

They'll end up only throwing the pin.

If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?

That number is how many dicks you suck.

What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.

The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.

*Loud explosion inside the tank*

"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

School is a lot like boot camp. The only difference is that you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.

Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.

Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?

A: Air Force Juans.

There was an enemy with a machine gun.

My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."

So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.

My uncle died on nine eleven... he was the best pilot in Iraq.

What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

I joined the military for the group showers.

Two of my grandpas died in WW2.

Their tower fell over.

Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the other.

"I'm positive!"

Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.

How do you sink an American battleship?

Have the French build it.