Military jokes
Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.
Yo hairline so large, you could land a fighter jet on it.
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
What did the British soldiers say while in the trenches? "Damn, it's windy out here!"
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
What did the kamikaze instructor say to the students?
"Okay guys, watch very carefully because I can only show you this demonstration once."
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
If you have an emo kid army, they'll kill themselves before they get to the field.
What is an army member's top drink?
WARter.