Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
Putin be like that boat is now a submarine!
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq...They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
What's after R-P-G?
W.
Russia went from N-95 to M-16 real quick...
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair? A TANK
I own a gun with Nazi rounds and shot a guy who broke into my house. He said, “Did you just shoot me with a Nazi round?” and I replied, “Do you mean Nein millimeter?”
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
What do a tank and a warship have in common?
They're overweight.
What can't a Desert Eagle and Barrett do for stealth missions?
They can't be way too loud.
