Military jokes

Q: What comes before 47?

A: AK

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"

"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"

"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

What do you call 6 gay men going to war?

Rainbow 6 Siege.

What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?

RC-XD incoming.

My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.

Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"

Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"

Officer: "Ok!"

*silence*

*explosion*

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?

He got caught playing with his Privates!

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

I took my mother-in-law out today...

I love being a sniper.

What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?

They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

What can't a sniper say to his wife?

"I missed you."

Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?

Because they are afraid of American airdrops.

I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.

Damn, I love being a sniper.