Military jokes
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
I called a suicide hotline in Iraq. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
What can't a sniper say to his wife?
"I missed you."
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
I took my girlfriend out the other day... Man, do I love being a sniper.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?
Special forces.
Btw, I'm 13.
Why can't we see a camel?
Because it's camelflauged!
Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?
Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.