Military

Military jokes

Why couldn't an orphan use a fighter jet?

Because he couldn't use the homing missiles.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

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    • When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

    My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

    When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.

    When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!

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    • What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

    Afgan-I-Stand.

    Why did Hitler lose the war?

    Because Göring ate every last airplane, tank, artillery, ship, and ammunition!

    What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

    I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

    What is the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani primary school?

    I don't know... I just fly the drone.

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    • "Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

    "Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

    "Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

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    • Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.

    Why are the best used guns from France?

    Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.