Military jokes
39, 41, 43, AK, 47... AK-47.
1, 3, 5, M, 9... M-9.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He mist.
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Commander: "Fire a warning shot."
Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."
Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."
Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*
Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
Why is the Navy gay?
There all seamen.
What do you call the 10th hole on a military golf course?
Ten-putt!
IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
Where does Caesar keep his armies?
Up his sleavies.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.