Memory jokes
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.
It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!
Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Hi, what's your name?
I don't know, I'm disabled.
I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
What’s the difference between the twin towers and your parents?
Nothing, they are both just memories.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.