One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
Paul Walker is the best legend to go down in history. Change my mind.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
Lady: Will you fuck me?
Man: No, I don’t have a penis.
Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.
Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.
What was I saying again?
I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.
I wanna ram your PCIe slot.
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...
I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.
What is it called when an orphan goes on vacation?
Answer: He's making family memories.
The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
Some boy says 100000 digits of pi, and this other dude can't even remember the 1st one.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
