Memory jokes
I have the superpower to predict the past.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
An old man is sitting on a park bench, crying his eyes out. A jogger stops, feels bad for him, and asks, "Sir, what's wrong?"
The old man sobs, "I'm 85 years old. I have a 25-year-old wife at home who is a supermodel. She cooks me gourmet meals every day, she keeps the house spotless, and we spend every night in total, passionate bliss."
The jogger looks confused. "Wait... that sounds amazing! Why are you crying?"
The old man looks up, tears streaming down his face, and wails: "I can't remember where I live!"
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.
Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.
Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's?
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
Q. What's a 9/11 survivor's least favorite bagel? A. Plain.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
Peter Griffin walks into a bar.
I think I may have forgotten the rest of the joke.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"
If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.
They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.
Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?
A. I forget.