Medical

Medical jokes

Father

    • A father awaits the birth of his first child.

    The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."

    The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

    But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."

    The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

    Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."

    The father says, "I'll love it all the same."

    And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"

  • 1

    • Hospital

    • Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

    There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

  • 1

    • Mom

    • Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

    My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

  • 2
    • Medical memes

    Doctor

    • The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

  • 1

    • Man

    • A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.

    The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.

    The man then got plastic prosthetics.

    Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.

    After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.

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    • Baby

    • So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

  • 3

    • Kid

    • One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

    Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

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    • Orphan

    • Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

    Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

    Lil Jimmy: Why?

    Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

    Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

  • 0

    • Kid

    • *in the hospital*

    Paralyzed kid: I'm out!

    *walks out the room*

    Blind kid: You can walk?!

    Mute kid: You can see?!

    Deaf kid: You can talk?!

    Doctor: Wut the f**k?

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    • Autism

    • Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

    -You have to be alive to have autism.

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