Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient. The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient". Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants. Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage. After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control. Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?" The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD and it diagnosed me with slavery
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why? -You have to be alive to have autism.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor
Michael Jackson: Help doctor I've been shot. Doctor: I cant fix that but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again
So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: "so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down" and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I'm just fuckin with u she's DEAD!"
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my butt. Should I look for a new dentist?
Doctor , Doctor, I feel like a pair of Curtains ! what 's wrong with me! calm down calm down Just pull yourself together
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
When the doctor asks you what your zodiac sign is
You respond: cancer
Doctor says: well what a coincidence!
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.
Breaking news man with altiemers forgets he’s blind and recovers form visual impairment
My grandma was telling me to be positive. As i was going in for an aids test
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor? The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips
A blonde walks into the Doctors office. She tells the Doctor, " My boyfriend has dandruff". The Doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the Doctors phone rings. He answers, its the Blonde. The Doctor asks how he can help her. " Well Doctor, I understand head, but how do you hove shoulders?"...........
