Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
Why is there no medication in Africa? Because doctors advised you don't take it on an empty stomach.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor? The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I I have sex my eyes hurt. He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
My proctologist used to be a photographer, he took x-rays and told me to bend over and say cheese
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why? -You have to be alive to have autism.
Today, I operated on a little girl, she needed O- negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O- negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “so when will I die”? she thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
Michael Jackson goes to the doctor.
Michael Jackson: "Help, doctor, I've been shot!" Doctor: "I can't fix that, but I can change your skin color so it doesn't happen again."
Raplhie: They put drugs in our medication?
Me: The medication is the drugs.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
in the hospital i saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep the icu was going beep beep beep i think thats why she cant sleep so I turned it of shes asleep forever now nighty night
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O.'"
There are 206 bones in the human body, but I’d really like to have 207.
Why was the north tower a bad doctor when the south tower collapsed? Bc the north tower didn’t do cpr
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam, when he stuck it in I started to squirm so he held onto my shoulder. I thought it was going well.
Until he grabbed my other shoulder as well. ( If someone can write it better go ahead, I know it sucks)
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work
