Medical condition jokes

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.

I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.

You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!

Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.

What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”

The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.

Like and comment if you get it!

Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.

Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.

Guy #2: Why, what is it?

Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.

Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...

Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?

(Insulin)

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?

Seize your moment.

Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?

It’s their funny face.