Medical condition jokes
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Why couldn't the girl brush her hair?
..... She had cancer.... ;)
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
What do you call an alligator that can't get hard? A reptile dysfunction.
My friend's mother thought a kid who had autism and Down syndrome called him a "double down."
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!