Medical condition jokes
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?
Seize your moment.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
Which is more disabling, autism, ADHD, or Down syndrome?
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
What’s a cancer girl's sex kink?
Hair pull.
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!