Medical condition jokes
Why did the heart go to jail? Because it had a cardiac arrest.
Hi Stephen. Are you a vegetarian?
Well, you are partly right—I'm a vegetable.
Stephen, are you a vegetarian?
I am a vegetable.
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
Q. Who do you call when a baby with anencephaly is born? A. The funeral home.
What’s the difference between masturbation and brain damage?
After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?
Seize your moment.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.
Which is more disabling, autism, ADHD, or Down syndrome?
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.