Me running from the table where the Emo table with a happy meal.
What does Aaron eat for breakfast? Food.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Why don't you wanna taco 'bout it? Cause it's nacho problem!
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Meals on wheels.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
What's an African's favorite TV show?
Meal Or No Meal!
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
What's a ghost's favorite food?
I like some boo-ritos!
