Meal jokes

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.

Like it’s my next meal.

After 12, it's lunch. 😂

What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?

A war of nutrition.

Son: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Dad: Don't know, why?

Son: Because they taste funny.

Why do orphan kids never eat homemade food? Because they don’t even have one!

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.

Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.

Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only have a crockpot. 🤣

Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

Never eat more than you can lift.

There are three people on an island. One dies, and the second guy goes to bury them. He comes back with deer meat. The first guy eats it, but the second guy refuses the meal.

When the men return to the mainland, they part ways. The first man goes to eat the deer again at a local restaurant. He takes one bite, then jumps off a bridge.

In heaven, an angel asks him why.

“Well you see,” he answered, “that man was a tribal cannibal. Delicious in my wife’s meat, though.”