ME jokes
I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.
Me: I will f**k ur mom.
Orphan: I don't have one.
Me: ......
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well, no sir." And grandpa said then no, you can't.
Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said, "Let me get a hit of that," and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and Johnny said no again. And then papaw was shootin' his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d*ck reached his a**, and Johnny said no.
Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d*ck reach your a**?" and papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f*ck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin' none of my ice cream!"
Quit making jokes about me.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
Sister: You're so stupid.
Me: Calling me stupid doesn't make you any smarter!
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.
What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?
They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
Want to hear a joke, huh?
Me........
Add me on Fortnite, my user is liamonoce2004 :)