ME jokes
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."
What's the difference between me and a rope?
The rope doesn't hang from itself.
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.
Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."