ME jokes

Where is this pic of me in my bra?

My sister: See you at home in about an hour.

Me: Okay.

My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*

Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?

Sister: OMG, she's dead!

Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

"Prince, please help me. This faker is driving me crazy!"

Hey, why did you copy me, you dumb-ass prince?

"Prince, do you love the faker, Princess, or me, the real Gwen?"

"Go get me the lamb sauce!"

Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!

PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(

Gwen, are you mad at me? Cause that was a faker.

Like the faker Gwen?

Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!

Me: Nothing, why?

Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.

Me that/every night: *sob*

Friends: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine.

Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...

Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

Joke: Me.

Have you ever heard of the eye tear?

Me either.

I had a friend named Wemiyoe... We call him "we me you."

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!