ME jokes

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

"You gave me the same sweater as last year."

"You s w e a t e r believe it."

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

I had bullies behind me on the street, but they were too fat and slow, so they got ran over by a truck that represents fat and slow.

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:

"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."

😳

Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?

Sensei: What is that?

Me: Saw con deez nu...

Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?

Me: What’s ligm...

Sensei: 😈

Me: no no no no

Sensei: Ligma ba...

When an African has a twin, your me??

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.