ME jokes

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.

Shitmate: You’re so shitable.

Me: Bring banana ice cream.

Shitmate: Never happening.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Marry me!"

One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.

My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.

Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.

Why do they call it Ovaltine?

The jar is round, the mug is round, they should call it Roundtine.

Me and a girl went on a walk...

Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)

I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.

POV: me telling a joke.

My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.

Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."

Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"

Does anyone ever get tired of being random? Me neither.

Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

Me: I have an arrow in my head.

My friend: What's the point of that?

Me: Of the arrow?

Friend: No!

Me: Probably the flint.

"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"

"It's a girl."

Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?

Random guy: Why?

Me: Because you look like a whale.