ME jokes

"Why didn't the boy pick up his ice cream?" - Margaret

"Why?" - Depressed boy

"Because he got ran over." - Margaret

"I wish that was me." - Depressed boy

I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

OMG, you will give me Discord Nitro and Robux?? Sike, I lied!

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

What did the soccer player say to the flight attendant? "Please put me in coach!"

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Hi, I'm Depraashin.

Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”

And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.

Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.

Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.