ME jokes
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
What’s better than the best thing ever?
Me being mod.
Hello worstjokesever.com, I am not typing but instead using a microphone to speech, ding me a period.
I don’t see what’s coming up, but I don’t know why I am sending, so it will be random or funny or just stupid, LOL. So like and subscribe and...
My sister told me she liked Medusa.
I said, "Huh?"
My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.
The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.
Me: I'm retarded.
Teacher: Why?
Me: It took me 2 hours to see "60 Minutes."
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.