ME jokes

How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it!

Couldn't be me being an orphan.

Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.

Ugly kid, people keep saying I'm ugly.

Me: They're certainly not wrong.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

Me: Are you an alien?

Friend: No.

Me: Yeah, because you're too ugly to be one.

Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.

Me: Mrs., can I read my book?

Teacher: Sure.

Me: *watching my Chromebook*

Imagine me being 12 feet taller than your dad.

Freshfry, my friend, please talk to me!

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

Hey, what do you call a beta simp?

You call me the beta simp.

The emo kid tried to give me a handshake. Sadly, I left him hanging.

Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

Me talks to an orphan: Hey, I have a joke.

Orphan: Go on then.

Me: Your family tree.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.