ME jokes

I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.

What did the beat say to the rapper?

"You've got me DROPPING like it's HOT!"

I became anti-furry because I don't want Doom Slayer after me.

I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.

Let me tell you a joke about pizza!

Never mind...

It's too cheesy.

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.