ME jokes
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:
1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝
These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.
(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!
What did the plane that crashed on the ground say? Let me crash between those legs, girl!
Sorry, cringy joke.
Me: Can I borrow your CD?
Friend: What CD?
Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.
I love trash bags because they remind me of my heart... black.
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Spread your legs and give me an hour.
Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!
PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(
What did the egg say to the other egg?
"You crack me up!" 😂
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
What’s the difference between milk and the air?
At least the air will always be there for me.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.