ME jokes

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Elementary school kids: School is fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

I’ll never forget my grandpa's last words to me...

“Are you still holding the ladder??”

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

These jokes make me want to die.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me, so they can get adopted.

What did the traffic light say to the other?

"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"

Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"

To all my bullies: don’t call me gay because I’m not happy.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

"Stupid faker, if you're trying to get me to leave the site, it won't work!"

Hi, you guys don't know me, but I have my best interests at heart.

I'm a kind person who wants to put a stop to the bullying. I think that Gwen, Addison Banks, Watersharky, ect. are kind people! Also, I kinda like Watersharky...

My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

Oh my god, she hit me with a bat,

'Cause she was transgender.