ME jokes

Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Imagine this whole “Dr. Strange jokes” is just full of people simping over him.

Couldn’t Be Me.

What's an orphan's favorite game to play on Roblox? The game Adopt Me.

People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.

Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

Me: The light wow brighter than my future.

I just beat the Hollow Knight and found it takes 26 hours to beat it, but it took me 69 hours to beat it.

Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?

Me: 'Cause God made you.

Me: Knock, knock.

Other person: Who’s there?

Me: Atch.

Other person: Atch who?

Me: Bless you!

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.

When I saw you, it instantly made me cry. LOL.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

Me: I hit an orphan!

Mom: OMG WHY?

Me: Not like they can tell their parents-

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?