ME jokes

Joe Rogan to Christopher Doemges: "What can you tell me about musicians of the 18th century?" Doemges: "They're all dead already!"

Gay follow me on TikTok @thatpunkid.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?" I answered, "6 feet underground."

My girlfriend called me a pedophile.

And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

Bully: Your mom gay.

Me: There's something on your chin.

Bully: Where?

Me: No, on your fourth one.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Nobody: Aww, that's so sad!

Me: Just like me.

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

A salamander came by me the other day and he AXOLOTL questions. Ba dum tss!!!

Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.

As he threw the mechanical pencil toward me, I knew that if I didn't move, I would be lead into serious trouble.

"Son, I found a condom in your room." "Gee, thanks, Grandpa!" "Why are you calling me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

My ex's love for me :(

I still love the dude sadly, but I won't take him back.