ME jokes

Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

Can you tell me the real answer to this joke?

What do you call a drone that takes the long way around?

Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

Do you know why they call me battery saver?

I get turned on when it’s below 10%.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.