ME jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.

I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.

Doctor: Oh, I see.

Me: Ahhhh!!!!!

I walk into a bar. There was a line of people waiting to punch me. Yup. That was the punch line.

My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."

So I replied, "No, it doesn't."

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me!

Me: You have terrible jokes.

Mum: Shows me a mirror.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

One like = more from me to you. 👊

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"

In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.

Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.

And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.

Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!