ME jokes
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.
Guys, add me as a friend in Roblox. I'm hawaiilover973 :D
Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.
Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Girlfriend after sex: How did you get so good at eating pussy?
Boyfriend: My mom taught me.
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.
I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”
Me: Then which one are you?
When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.
My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...
...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.
Me :D