ME jokes

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."

Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."

What’s the difference between milk and the air?

At least the air will always be there for me.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candace. Candace who? Candace be true, you don’t remember me?

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

I love stairs. They always bring me up.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.