ME jokes
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Friend: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Short.
Me: Short who?
Friend: Short you!
Me: 🙁
Friend: 🤣
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Memes
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!
Lil bro's hairline is making me hungry wit that M shape also hitten me wit that damb batab bat bat baaa.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Crazy? I was crazy once, they put me in a room with rubber rats. Rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"