ME jokes

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

Have you ever heard of the eye tear?

Me either.

Let me tell you a joke about pizza!

Never mind...

It's too cheesy.

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

Ryan, I laid out more jokes than you have crying about me!

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

My bully to his mom after getting "cooked" by me: "Mama, I can't find my hairline!"

My bully. 😭

I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.

They brought it over but spilled it on me.

I said that was a udder failure!

Why do orphans like tigers? I don't know, you tell me.

"Send me back, I never liked you."

Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

There are people weirder looking than me.

Like who?

Like people with Down syndrome.

So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!

The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."

The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

Who is funnier, me or Gwen?

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

I don't really understand 9/11 jokes, but they eventually hit me like a plane.

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

For some reason, my mom likes to lick and suck on hotdogs. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

I love stairs. They always bring me up.