ME jokes

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

What was the comment that Vice President Harris said in the United States Senate when a blue dog democrat in the United States Senate called Vice President Harris a bitch?

Kibbles 'N Bits!! Kibbles 'N Bits!! I is going to get me some Kibbles 'N Bits!!

I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.

I guess you can say she had me in a trans.

Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"

The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

The dark side of kid songs:

You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!

Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."

Me: "I like it well done."

Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"

F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.