ME jokes

Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!

Doctor: Sit down for a minute.

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

"Between you and me, something smells!"

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me!

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

This is a 2 for 1 plane combo that will never exist.

But, it's like a plane pizza.

Nothing happens, but it terrorizes me.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.

Bully: I wasn't talking to you.

Me: Then why are you listening?

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?

Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Mom: Excuse me?

Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.