ME jokes
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
Tell me a joke about sodium.
Na.
Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.
Orange you glad to see me?
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
People: You're ugly.
Me: Ok.
People: I hate you.
Me: Cool, IDC.
People: You're annoying.
Me: Good for me.
People: BTS is dumb.
Me: I'll give you 5 seconds to run!
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
Gf: Hi.
Bf: Hi.
Gf: Did you eat yet?
Bf: Did you eat yet?
Gf: Are you copying me?
Bf: Are you coping me??
Gf: I love you.
Bf: Yeah, I ate already.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...