ME jokes
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
fr;]
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!
And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
Pass me the sugar, Sugar!
Pass me the honey, Honey!
Pass me the teabag!