ME jokes

F*** man, I just need a f***ing loli to walk all over me!

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

It took me 9.11 seconds to realize.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

This pun is so bad you're gonna punch me.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

"Suck me off, daddy, I'm doing homework."

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

The dark side of kid songs:

You got a friend in me... you got a friend in me!