ME jokes

Orphan

    • Once I said to an orphan, "What the 'F' means in 'orphan'?"

    He replied, "There's no 'F'."

    Me: "There's no family."

    Mom

    • Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

    Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

    ME memes

    Ice Cream

    • A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

    When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

    A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

    The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

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    • Grandfather

    • Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

    Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

    Teacher: What is the moral even?

    Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

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    • Jesus

    • Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

    "Peter, Peter come to me!"

    So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

    "Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

    "Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

    "Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

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    • Home

    • What time is it when you get home? Can you walk me home, and then get home? Then I can walk you home, and walk home.

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    • Mum

    • Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"

    Worm

    • I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

    About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

    I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

    Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

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    • Cannibal

    • The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."