ME jokes

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!

Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?

Me: *silence*

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

"Adopt Me."

What did the woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

"Excuse me, sir, you're in my son."

One time I was watching TV.

Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!

Me: Omg, really?

Mom: Sike, I lied.

I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

What did the adopted poker player say?

"Will you raise me?"

Tell me a joke about sodium.

Na.

My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."

I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."

People: You're ugly.

Me: Ok.

People: I hate you.

Me: Cool, IDC.

People: You're annoying.

Me: Good for me.

People: BTS is dumb.

Me: I'll give you 5 seconds to run!

Gf: Hi.

Bf: Hi.

Gf: Did you eat yet?

Bf: Did you eat yet?

Gf: Are you copying me?

Bf: Are you coping me??

Gf: I love you.

Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

Mom told me drugs are my enemies.

Jesus said to like your enemies.

Yay, I can like drugs then!

Orange you glad to see me?