ME jokes
Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Here me out this would be a sad movie
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
The lines on the pride flag are straighter than me.
Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Opposite day be like in doors.
Figure: Finally, I can see.
Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.
Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.
Eyes: 😭
Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!
Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.
My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.
Me: *Realizes*
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
Friend: Hi, orphan.
Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.
Friend: ummm
Orphan: Exactly, U can't.
Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!
Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!