ME jokes
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
The fact that I am high won't stop me from advising you.
Don't plug your phone while charging it; it is very dangerous.
I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
Memes
Meme:
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
A llama kicked me out of my house. Alpaca my bags.
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
Friend: Hi, orphan.
Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.
Friend: ummm
Orphan: Exactly, U can't.
Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!