ME jokes

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

My mother caught me jerking off and she told me to leave it out. I didn't know what she was doing but she grabbed my cock and started sucking. Then I found out on porn she was doing deep throat.

A couple of weeks later my dad caught me jerking off, I thought he would deep throat, but he just walked up to me and slapped my boner. I cried for 5 hours. Luckily my mum gave me a sloppy joe afterwards.

I fell in love with my computer because it helps me Excel.

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

Friend: Hi, orphan.

Orphan: Tell me a yo momma joke.

Friend: ummm

Orphan: Exactly, U can't.

Friend: Yo momma so disappointed she left!

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more!

What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?

"Adopt Me."

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

I walked past an orphanage, the orphans started to call me names, and I said, "At least I have a family!"

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

"Adopt Me."

Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?

Me: *silence*

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!

You're gay.

Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.