Marriage jokes

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Because they worship cows.

Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

Who did the bee 🐝 marry?

Her honey!

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

What do you call a Hippie's Wife? A Mississippi.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

How do you save your wife from drowning?

Take your foot off her neck.

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

A man asks God, "Hello God, why did you make my wife so dumb?"

God replies, "So she would love you..."

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.

Kurt Cobain said he wished he was gay.

That's why he married Courtney Love.

Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.

What do you call Holly and Elenji?

A couple.