Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
Why can orphans not get married?
They are dad can't walk them down the aisle!
A wife and husband go to a barn. The husband picks up a goat and says, “Look at this pig I have to sleep with every night.”
The wife says, “Honey, that’s a goat.”
The husband replies with, “I was talking to the goat.”
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
How do the cop respond to being called racist He said how can I be racist my wife’s eyes black
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.” Like if you do this to your spouse.
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
I caught my wife cheating on me.
I beat my son and grounded him.
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
