Many Jokes

Why did the goat have an abortion?

Because she already had too many kids!

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."

Your mama has slept with so many guys, she's starting to look like one.

On a winter day many play.

Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

VAPING IS ALSO BAD

The image is an infographic about the dangers of smoking. It lists many of the negative health effects of smoking. It states that within 10 seconds of a puff, toxic chemicals reach organs. Smoking harms most of the body, increases disease risk, and affects look, feel, finances and people close to you. Nicotine in tobacco is highly addictive and it releases dopamine. Nicotine dependence happens when the brain craves dopamine. Smoking is a major cause of cardiovascular disease, heart attack, and stroke. It increases the risk of blood clots. Some smokers have limbs amputated due to blood circulation problems. A graph lists the annual deaths caused by cigarette smoking in the United States between 2005-2009. It shows over 479,989 deaths. The causes include: lung cancer, ischemic heart disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, other diagnoses, stroke, and other cancers. The stages of lung cancer are shown.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.

Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!

Why are so many people making fun of people with wheelchairs?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

How many fat people are in my house?

20, counting the kids in the basement.

Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?

He was playing with too many strokes.

You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.

You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)

How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.

Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.