Many jokes

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.

There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

How many times does 43 go into 8?

Get in the van and find out.

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question, feminists don't change anything.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.