Many jokes

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.

Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?

Because he is never around Siri.

Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."

Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."

Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"

Ex-girlfriend: "20!"

Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."

There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?

A - 10

What would good be if it was a place?

It would be a desert because it had too many droughts!

Why did the alligator see a crocodile?

Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, there is no electricity.

During the Wintery Wackiness Wars!

A Soviet Sergeant, stationed stilly near a sloped summit with his silly soldiers!

Then a shout sails from the tippy-top: "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures a hundred heroic Honchos!"

The Kommandant's kerfuffle commences, commanding a caravan of one hundred comrades to conquer the crest!

Nifty navigation notes nil, the nasty news nabs many! After an Hour, hush descends. The high voice hollers, "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures a thousand heroic Honchos!"

Kommander fumes, forcing a further flurry, flinging one thousand fine fellows skyward!

Nearly two hours now and the noisy nuisance ceases, then the shouting starts: "A Finnish fighter's fantastic force fractures ten thousand heroic Honchos!"

The Kommandant kaput! Ten thousand troopers take the trek, taking tanks, trundling skyward, to take the terrain!

Four fearsome, fretful hours then a soldier in tatters comes tumbling, talking: "Stop sending up soldiers, sir! There's two Finns fighting fiercely!"

Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!

How many letters are there in the alphabet? 26? No, 8!

In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.

Coffee has been the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.

So all blondes are dumb, right?

Is that why there are so many more white people that are blonde than Black?

Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.

Why didn't the wife want sex?

Because they were having too many babies.

How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

102, if you have some alive ones.

I just wanted to say...

These disabled jokes are quite offensive. I'm not disabled in any way, but people reading might be affected in many ways. Yes, some of them are amusing, but there's a difference between having a joke and being plain rude.

Please take my feedback into account. Thanks!