Man jokes
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
What do you call physically handicapped, homophobic, heterosexual men and women in wheelchairs?
Mixed nuts.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
WTF is going on in texas
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
I just watched a 9/11 documentary on a plane. Man next to me said, "You know we're going to New York, right?" I told him I just wanna know what I got into.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
Q: What do you call a blind German man?
Q: A not-see (Nazi).
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.
I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!
Actually, Iron Man is female.
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."
Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"