A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”
Two men walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would've seen it.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
Why doesn't Batman need Robin as a wingman?
Because he has no problem robbin' your girl.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
At what speed is the curry going at?
In a hurry to the curry, man!
A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse, A man walked into a horse
What did the man say when he knocked down the bookshelf?
Looks like I've only got myself to blame...
There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.
Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
A man walks into a bar with a slab of concrete under his arm and says, "A beer please! and one for the road!"
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"
Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽♂️
Did you hear about the man that got fired from is can job? It was soda-pressing
Q: What do you call a Mexican man that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
What was the first man made out of? Adams! (Atoms)
