Make jokes

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.

“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?

A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.