Make jokes

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.

Why do nuns walk in groups?

So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.

The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?

A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.

Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.