Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?" His mother replies "to make myself beautiful Johnny." A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
rape isn't a joke. it's a type of way of making friends, and to mate with other women. it's a way of art, and works on anybody! like this if you agree.
I will stop making fun of Orphans when their parents come back.
Trump is so orange that he makes the oompa loompa's look white.
Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we're through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
I make sience puns periodically
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper
It's just to tear able
Me: *makes chuck norris meme* Internet: *all the other memes are dead now* Me: well shit.
My favorite thing to do on my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
what type of bee makes milk? A boobee
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
I know this isnt the real chicken wing song but my version...
chicken wing chicken wing i want your mommy slap her with my hary salami while she still yawning.
making your own chicken wing song and put it in the comments... :)
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative, nothing they both make you cry when you look at it
why dont vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they dont want to admit that meat makes them happy
What is so similar about a concreate block and a garden They both make vegitables
I'd make an emo joke but that would be cutting a little too close.
How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open. Woman aren't human anyways... lol
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby what makes no baby? Two Swallows
