Make jokes

How did number 1 kindly make number 2?

I got my was kicked, let's be friends?

Why is 8 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9. If you think it doesn't make sense, then it is "7 ate 9."

Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

If you get offended, leave. How did you even find this website, just to make people feel bad?? No.

You are seriously the stupid one here. Also this is not a joke, but the people that do this are.

We were making jokes before the second tower even fell!

I rub lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

And together we will make America great again.

You were never great in the first place.

Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.

A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.

The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."

The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."

Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."

Seems very long. You won't remember the telephone number...

I remember it like this from school days in Ireland.

Dolly Parton is shopping for a new bra. A lady says, "Your size is 69." Dolly says, "No way, that's too too too (222) big." So she goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need something to make my boobs smaller." "Here, take (51) pills for 6 days (x6)," and so she did. Days later, she ran back to the doc, "Jesus Christ doctor, look what happened. I'm BOOBLESS!" 55378008 upside down.

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.

Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.

Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

How do you make an emo mad at you?

Cut the rope.

Who is the Hamburglar's perverted cousin?

The Turdburglar.

You really do not want to see the mess these two make of the washrooms in a fast food joint.

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

Me: Knock, knock. You: Who's there? Me: Music. You: Music who? Answer: A guitar is a violin without a stick.

Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?

Mom: No, that's impossible.

Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?

Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.

Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^