Make jokes

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?

Because they've already been roasted!

Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.

It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

Why do people make orphan jokes... their parents will get mad... oh wait, never mind, please continue.

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

I don't trust atoms.

They make up everything.

The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.

Why do asses make the best detectives?

They always crack the case!

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

I can make a word with those: "DICK".

What bees make milk?

Boob bees.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?

A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.

Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!

It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.

We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.

Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.

We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"

Ever heard of rape jokes?

No?

Well, I'll MAKE you hear 'em!