Make jokes
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah!" (from Elton John)
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Today is the day of 9/11, and we were in class making jokes, and somebody said, "That's sad." I was like, "Why?" And they said, "Today is the day the towers went down." I said, "Just like I did on your mum last night."
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.