Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
Guys, let's make this post have the most comments on the whole website.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
