Make jokes

Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"

I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.

I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.

Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.

“It’s because God made you special,” she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.

I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.

I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.

I’d make fun of transgender women, but that’s low hanging fruit.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.

He was the best pilot in Arab.